At this stage of adulthood I start to really feel left out in the cold hard world. No help. Is it like this for everyone I wonder? I really do because suddenly I feel like I am having to do everything completely on my own as if I’ve been orphaned. Not quite that free, spread-my-wings-and-fly kind of feeling I was hoping for. Taxes? All I have is my mom and she doesn’t know how to do it. She doesn’t know anything about college, resumes, work studies….zip. And suddenly I feel very alone. If I were to fail, no one would sneeze at it. If I were to try…no one would support it. No one is here to tell me if I should pursue life as something to be valued and made something of. No one. I am completely my own and very solitary world.

  My father would know these things but he’s gone. He’s encarcerated himself and therefore is detached from me. My siblings have enough of their own troubles and simply aren’t around. And here I am thinking that I’m going to get married in 7 months..it’s probably going to take me that much to even get a vehicle. I feel so far behind all my friends and so inadequate and unlearned. I do well at my job, but it’s not a challenging task for me, it’s passed that point and I wonder how much more I contribute than the average Jane. If I’m not more valuable, why should they keep me or give me a raise? The only thing they will respect is the investment of time and I already feel behind.
    So much to learn and I will not let my love marry a child.