I haven’t talked to you in a while. I mean full, wholeheartedly. I pray for other people in the deep parts of my mind and hope that things will go well for them. Somehow that you will help them even if I feel you’ve left me in some ways.

 I feel you have, you can’t blame me. Church is a total cop-out for right living. Some people think they can screw around with other people’s lives and it’s ok. Like messing around with someone’s destiny is part of their non-chalantly selfish lives. Maybe they are holy, goody goodies in one side of life, but when entire areas are neglected, does that really count for anything??

I don’t think it’s right and I dont’ think it’s fair. I’ve given up on church. It’s fake to me now. All of it. It’s fake. 18 years I attended and continue to out of obligation and previous commitment. I am not a fake. But I try to be devoted. It’s hard. I want to quit so bad but I know that even if people know how I feel they will believe it best for me to stay, at least for the moment. I do not quit on things and I try to finish what I start. I don’t like to jump into things without first checking out the details.

 But some things in life disappoint. And in this case, it’s church. Fuck the church. Fuck you? Eh.

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